A Second Chance
by ColdWarSaint
Summary: Light wakes to find himself back at the beginning, yet still able to recall everything that had lead to his demise. This time he decides he wants to win, and he immediately kills the boy- Nate River. Yet this time around he hasn't been fully corrupted yet, and Nears ghost certainty isn't going down without a fight.
1. Chapter 1

Before he could put in the last piece to the puzzle his hand shook and it fell from his grasp. Near was feeling sick, dizzy. He tried to stand but choked, his face turning blue. His hand went up to clutch his chest as he desperately tried to breath. His eyes rolled up into his head. One last time Near choked and then he collapsed. After twitching a few times his body went still. A few kids screamed at Nears still body. A few others ran to get someone and some just stood and stared. None of them could have known that the cause of the boy's death was almost half-way around the world.

Light sat and stared at the name he had just written. Nate River. His hand shook as he thought about how he had died in that warehouse. Was killing his opponent really going to change his future? Should he even be going down the same path? Nate River. Near…

Light slammed the notebook and squeezed his eyes shut. The name would haunt him. And what of L? Mello? How would he kill them? He knew Mello's name, his true name. Should he kill him now to? Or would there just be more successors to fill the void? Should he even have killed Near? Light shook his head. There were too many questions for him to answer. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of second chance this was and why it had been given to him. He remembered all of his plans and ambitions but waking up now… they were gone. To rid the world of evil was a frivolous task. Pointless. In the beginning Light had only wanted peace and justice but seeing the effects of his rule he wasn't quite sure if it was worth it.

Nate River. Near…

"Mello, come with me." A strict voice called across the yard. "Now."

Mello stopped chasing Matt and headed towards the voice, wondering what he had done this time. Matt noticed Mello leaving and hurried to catch up to him. Both boys were ushered into the house and led to the main office in Wammy's. L himself was sitting in at the desk. Mello thought his eyes looked bloodshot and his hair more messy than normal but couldn't be sure.

"L?" Mello asked in surprise. "What?"

"Mello did you do anything to Near in these past weeks?" L asked, getting down to business. He sounded tired and haunted. More serious than Mello had ever heard him

"No." Mello responded in irritation. Why did everything always have to be about that bigheaded twerp?

"Is there any way you can explain this?" L pulled aside a white sheet that had been lying across a couch to reveal Nears still body. Mello opened his mouth to protest then realized what he was staring at. Mello inhaled sharply and moved closer.

"Near?" He whispered, nudging his hand. The skin was dead, cold against Mello's warm hand.

"He's dead." L filled the silence, his voice cracking slightly. "He died of a heart attack this morning."

"You think I did this?" Mello continued to stare at Nears calm face. "You think I'd kill him?!"

"You two have always been rivals. No one is sure of the lengths you'd go." L sighed. "Mello I don't want to believe that you'd do this. I also don't want to believe that Kira may have found out about Wammys."

"No, no…" Mello whispered, anger draining. "I didn't… I wouldn't really… I never truly wished he were dead."

L just gave another ragged sigh. He didn't even have any sweets today. For once his appetite was simply gone. He was worried about his battle with Kira. Never before, in any of his cases, had anyone struck this personal of a blow. Near had been more to him than just a successor, he had almost been like a son.

"Mello." L finally said. "I think you know what this means."

Mello felt a trill of excitement at those words. _I need to go rub this in Nears face!_ He thought happily but then remembered. His elated feelings crashed.

"I didn't want to beat you like this." He whispered to the body, as if it made a difference. Mello had spent his whole life chasing after Near and his absence left a surprisingly large void. He regretted what had happened between them. All's he could think of were times that Near had given away secrets about his past or the rare occasion they got along, if only for an instant…

Matt watched Mello's smile fade as he looked over Near and knew how he felt. Matt had never really minded Near. They had been friends at one point. Matt remembered how Near would give him a rare smile when he solved a particularly hard puzzle and how Near had given him one of his only plush robots because he was happy to have someone to play with. That had been a long time ago. Matt still had the toy but Near had probably thought he threw it away.

L watched Matt and Mello deep in their own versions of grief. He felt their regret was almost as strong as his. L felt he had failed the young boy by allowing Kira to kill him. In that moment L vowed to catch Kira, no matter the cost. _Near, _he asked solemnly to himself,_who would you have become? _

Just then the door opened, breaking into everyone's thoughts. A 15 year old stood in the door. She wore short black jean shorts and a grey long-sleeved shirt stamped with a green maple leaf. Her white-blond hair was braided into a crown and stood out against her startlingly dark eyes.

"L, you called?" She asked, not even looking at anyone else.

"Yes." He replied without looking at her. "You are Nears replacement."

"Replacement?" She sounded confused. "Why would Near need a… oh, god."

Mello could hear the despair in her voice as she registered Near's still form. She dropped down next to the couch he was lying on and picked up his hand.

"What happened?" She sounded numb.

"He died of a heart attack this morning." L explained again and the sorrow in his voice this time was clear.

"Oh..." She gave a bitter smile. "I guess I win that bet, huh? Clearly, you didn't hate losing enough not to die."

"Jinx..." L stood, shaking his head. "I'm sorry." That's when Mello remembered where he had seen her before. She was J, Jinx, the fourth highest in Wammys. Well, the third now.


	2. Chapter 2

Light skipped dinner that night. He complained of having a horrible headache, which wasn't far from the truth, and went to his room. Light was hoping that a good night sleep would clear his mind. He didn't even bother changing, just sunk into the pillows and was instantly asleep. As soon as his eyes closed in his room Light found them opening elsewhere. He was standing in a small cemetery on a hill. A fresh grave had been dug and teenagers and children were coming to the open coffin in front of it and slowly paying their respects.

Light moved closer, unnoticed by all present and looked into the simple mahogany coffin. Inside the plush purple velvet he saw a face he knew well. Near lay there in front of him, looking to be asleep. Light recoiled from the grave and scanned his surroundings. _Why here? _He desperately asked himself_Why am I seeing this?_ It was overcast that day, a slow mist coming down on all there. Just beyond the quaint picket fence a low building was visible. He could make out the word Wammys.

He pulled his attention back to the scene in front of him. He couldn't look away from the slow procession as each orphan belonging to Wammy's came forward and looked at Near one last time. Some smiled sadly down at him while others just shook their heads and walked away.

One girl stood out from the rest. She wore all black but still glowed. Light saw her apologize to Near and drop a folded piece of paper onto his body. After that she shook her head and gave a bitter laugh. Light read the note:

Near,

I don't want to replace you. I wish I didn't have to. Remember that no matter how hard I try to fill your shoes you always were the best. You should still be alive. I will avenge you Near, if I can. You owe me $20.

J ,Jinx, Jasmine Alkialiam.

Light stared at the name signed on the card. Another successor. Another name he could use…

After all the children had gone and left two more came up the hill. Light recognized Mello but not the red haired boy next to him. They both wore black. First Mello stepped up while Matt stood back. Mello yelled into the coffin and beat his fists into the wood on either side. After a long time Mello calmed down, his anger dissolving in the rain. He realized it was too late for Near. With a deep breath Mello leaned over the body and two drops of water fell from his cheeks. Light couldn't tell if it were the rain or something more. Finally Mello stumbled back and allowed Matt his goodbye.

Matt didn't say a word as he approached the grave. He only put out his cigarette and reached into an inside pocket of his vest. From this he pulled a small robot toy. He silently spoke to Near before setting the small toy next to him. A single tear fell from his eye onto Near's white pajamas.

"We could have been friends." He said loud enough for Light to hear before leaving to follow Mello back to the house. He watched both hunched figures disappear into the gloom. For a few minutes all was perfectly still then a girl came over the hill. She was dressed in all white. Her long black hair hung loose down her back. Openly she cried, looking to the sky so the rain mixed with the tears running down her cheeks.

"Nate why have you left me?" She asked the body. "Was my love not enough for you? I never got the chance to tell you I was still here. That I'd never left. You thought I was dead. You were so alone" The girl choked back a sob. "Now you'll never know. Do you have any idea how long I searched for you? How much I wanted to find you? And now… now, you-you-"

At this point she lost her semblance of calm and dropped to her knees besides the coffin. Light could hear her sobbing.

"Why? Why?" She whispered to the heavens. "Why you?"

Light wondered who this girl was that looked no older than eighteen was and why she cared so much for Near. He felt bad for these people that were torn apart by this loss. He felt… evil. It was he who had killed this boy. Light had become everything he was at one point trying to stop. Near, Nate River had done nothing wrong. _Not yet,_ his mind told him,_but he would have killed you. _ Light shook his head; he wasn't sure what to believe anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Light spent the rest of the next day looking over his shoulder. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to find but a feeling of unease had settled permanently on his shoulders. As soon as he got home he went up to his room and locked the door. The killings had stopped since he had killed Near and the police were baffled. Light knew L would be looking for a strategy in all of this but he was simply confused. There was no plan, not this time.

"It's just some kid, Light." He heard Ryuk say. "It's never stopped you before."

"Maybe I was wrong before." Light muttered into his arms. Ryuk shook his head.

"What's happened to you Light?" He simply asked. "You've never had doubts."

"Just… leave me alone." Light whispered ignoring Ryuk's next few words and waiting until he heard complete silence. He got up and threw himself into bed, suddenly exhausted. Not even bothering to change his eyes slowly drifted closed.

A slight scraping noise woke Light sometime in the middle of the night. He bolted awake at the sound of footsteps somewhere near his bed.

"Hello?" He called out his voice shaking. "Who's there?"

No answer.

"Ryuk?" His hand slid across the covers and eventually found the baseball bat. "This isn't funny!"

No answer. A light whisper blew across the bed. Light shuddered and tightened his grip on the bat. He crept across the room. Every sense was on high alert and he imagined that the whole house must have been able to hear his pounding heart. Sweat had beaded on his forehead by the time he reached the light switch. With a sharp intake of breath he flipped the lights on. Just before the room was flooded in light he saw a flash of pure white.

"Who's there?" He called again but as he scanned the room he didn't find a trace of anyone. Except for one thing. On his desk sat a single white puzzle piece. Dropping his bat Light moved forward to examine it closer. It looked familiar, but he couldn't place where he'd seen it before. He reached down and gently touched it. Immediately his sight went white.

"W-Where am I?" He managed but his voice was swallowed up by the great blank space surrounding him. A single dark spot appeared in the white. Light headed towards it but stopped when he realized what he was seeing.

It was as if a window had been opened to the past and through it he could make out a very young Near standing in a large room with hardwood floors and a huge fireplace. He was only about 4 years old. He was wearing a light blue jacket and scarf, his white hair messy, and his wide grey eyes were filled with tears. Near looked terrified and was huddled against the warmth. An older man followed by a teenage L entered the room. Near whimpered and backed away from the two.

"Is this him?" L asked.

"Yes." The older man replied before kneeling in front of Near. "Don't be afraid."

Near regarded him with suspicion and shook his head. L stepped forward and studied the boy. The older man stepped back.

"Hey, it's okay." He said "I know how you feel. I'm an orphan too."

Near looked over him skeptically. There was too much pain in those eyes for one so young. "Really?" He whispered.

"Yeah, it's not that bad." L kneeled beside Near. "Because now you're here."

"Here?" He asked in a small voice, looking into L's eyes.

"That's right. This is a special orphanage where we'll put your skills to use and you'll meet others like you."

Light watched the scene play out from a distance but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't look away. He didn't want to see this. He didn't want to feel anymore guilt or see any more of his victim's life play out before him.

Near dropped his head, not responding to L. L rested a hand on his head and pulled a box from his pocket. For the first time in a long time Near didn't flinch away from the contact of another person.

"I've got something for you." L took his hand away from Near's head and opened the box. It was filled with white puzzle pieces. "It's something for you to do. A puzzle. Now you might not get it at first but I believe in you, Nate, Near. You'll always find a way"

Near gently took the box, holding it close to his chest. "I-I won't let you down."

Ever so slowly a smile spread across his face. Light had the opposite reaction. He jerked back from the scene as it dissolved. He was standing in his room, hand on the puzzle piece. Acting like it was on fire Light leaped back with a cry.

"I'm sorry okay!" He screamed. "Leave me alone!"

_Sorry? Not sorry enough…_ The voice was a whisper across the room. Not really spoken aloud but still there. Light was suddenly very afraid to be in his room alone. He dashed out of the house. Perhaps he was hoping the cool air would clear his mind or maybe he was just scared. As scared as any of us are after a nightmare but his footsteps didn't lead to his parents' bedroom. They led to a most unexpected place. L's headquarters. _Why am I here? _ Light asked himself but allowed his feet to continue through the entrance. For whatever reason he felt the only person he could trust now was the one person he couldn't.

"Light Yagami?" L's mechanical voice came on over the speaker.

"Yes I," Light struggled to keep the tremor out of his voice, "I wanted to help work on the Kira case."

"You do realize that it is 3 AM?" L asked

"Yes." Light simply said.

"Alright. No better time than the present." The door to the stairs opened. "Second room to the right."

Light didn't respond. He followed directions and entered the room. It was always a shock seeing L but this time he had seen him die. It was even more awkward as Light stiffly sat in the overstuffed armchair and faced his rival. L dipped a strawberry in syrup and nibbled the edge.

"Is something wrong?" He asked Light.

"Just…some trouble sleeping." He was unnerved by L's ability to read his emotions. He still wasn't sure why he had come here. There was a long silence that only Light found uncomfortable.

"L?" Light finally said, and to this day he still has no idea what brought him to say this. "Can you tell me about Near?"

L showed no reaction but on the inside his mind was working, filling the gaps. He hid his sorrow and decided it wouldn't do any harm to tell Light what he wanted to know. Besides he was curious as to what Light would do in response to the information "Well Near, Nate River, was the next up and coming L. He was around 5'0 and weighed-"

"No, no." Light stooped him. "Not facts about him. I want to know what he was like. I want you to tell me something about him as a person."

"Are you saying that Near's weight is not describing him as a person?"

Light didn't respond. He knew that L knew very well what he had meant.

"Very well." L finally said. He sat and thought for a few moments. He didn't want Light to know that Near was dead, if he didn't know already. He was suspicious Light may have killed him. "The strangest relationship I think I'd ever seen was the one that existed between Mello and Near. When they first met Near was 4 and Mello was 6. He had already been at Wammys for a two years longer than Near."

There was a soft voice at Light's ear but no one was there. _I remember that. I remember that very clearly…_ As the two voices converged Light felt himself slipping back. He was falling, seeing the past like it was the present. Near was there young and still in light blue. He sat on an oversized armchair reading a book in the library. Another boy approached, he was Mello but at a much younger age. He didn't wear any tight leather and his blond hair was short.

"Hey!" He called. "Are you the new kid?"

Near ignored him. He didn't like other people. Mello frowned and climbed up onto the arm of the chair.

"I'm talking to you!" He yelled.

Near whished this loud other boy would simply leave him alone. Mello's frown grew deeper, he had no intention of leaving this kid alone. He leaped down and ripped Near's arm off the book. The he twisted it behind his back and applied just a bit of pressure.

The heavy book slid to the floor and Near winced, suppressing a cry. "Why'd you do that?" He whispered.

Mello smiled and relaxed his grip a bit. "I just wanted you to talk to me."

"Oh." Near's voice was barely audible. "I don't much like talking to people…"

Mello remained silent. Near's sleeve had slid down to his elbow and Mello could see the lines of many scars and bruises lining the pale skin.

"What's your name?' He finally asked, letting go of Near.

"It's Near."

"I'm Mello." He thought about the scars "Did you get beat up a lot too?"

"I-" Near studied the blond kid in front of him. "Yes."

"Well didn't you ever fight back?"

"No, of course not." Near was still whispering. "It's not like there was anything I could do."

"I fought back." Mello said. "I learned to survive."

They sat for a few minutes in silence until Mello was called to leave. He smiled at the strange white haired kid he had met and promised to see him again. At this point Light felt himself being yanked back into the real world. He came around to the sound of L's voice asking him if he were asleep. He sat up and retired to a guest room without speaking another word. L watched him go, analyzing everything that had just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing he did when he got into the room was block the cameras. The second thing Light did was yank out his Deathnote and stare at the blank space under Near's name. "What's the point?" He asked himself. "I can't fix what I've done to Near. I can't apologize, he won't let me. So why'd I stop? I minus well go through with my plans now anyway…"

_No!_ Near's voice blew into his mind. _You're missing the point, Light. You must stop. L already knows. After tonight how can he not? Face it Light, even in death I've beaten you._ Light felt himself growing angry at Near's words. He was so cocky, so arrogant. Even in death he had defeated Light and was now rubbing it in. Light couldn't even threaten him anymore, he was already dead.

"You think so?!" He yelled into the dark room. "Well then why don't I take one more person with me before my downfall begins?"

For a moment Near remained silent but then he realized what Light meant. _Don't! Light stop! Don't do this to me! Don't do this to him! Leave everyone else out of this! I'm the only one who needs to die! I've won, you've lost. You can't kill anyone else. Right?_ Near sounded unsure in those last few words. Light wanted to hurt Near, he wanted Near to pay and this was the only thing he could think of to do. Besides, killing all of the people Near cared for would only help him in the long run. He grabbed a pen and flipped to a blank page.

There was a howling of wind but Near couldn't touch Light. Wind whipped around the room, knocking over tables and chairs but Light kept the pen to the paper. A miniature storm started in the room, different items from the hotel whipped past Light. A few grazed him but not enough to stop him. Just as he was about to scratch in the last letter of the name Near let go of every restraint and released all of his power at once. Light fell unconscious before his hand could complete the motion and everything in the room dropped at once.

Light jerked awake in a plain of white. The landscaped was flat, no identifying marks could be seen anywhere. Just a bright white as far as the eye could see. He scrambled up and reached for his Deathnote. It was gone.

"Looking for this?" Near asked, materializing a few feet in front of Light. He held the notebook in one hand and the pen in the other.

"You!" Light yelled. "How?"

"This is my world." Near responded. "I brought you here after you tried to kill Mello, Jinx…" His eyes narrowed and for the first time Light could tell he was angry. "Ember."

Light gritted his teeth. He had looked up the girl who had been so upset about Near's death after the funeral. She had been Near's childhood friend, her name had been Ember.

"Now," Near said, once again calm. "I wonder how you would feel if I killed everyone in your family. If I attempted to kill everyone in your life whom you cared about."

Near paused to flip through the Deathnote. "Oh wait. You don't truly care about anyone do you? So it would come down to me killing you, wouldn't it? The only person that matters."

Light stood up straight, he was smart enough to know when to fight and when to talk. "How can you claim that Near? You were the one whom I didn't know anything about before. How can you force me to feel regret then claim to know me perfectly?"

"You're calling me a hypocrite." Near replied with a grin, "but that is far from the truth. I know you better than you know yourself. Oh, I did my research all right. You know that when I say you would kill your own family if you had to I'm not lying. You know that when I say you are the only person that matters in your own mind, I'm right."

"Always right aren't you?" Light growled in irritation.

"I am." Near responded, setting Light over the edge. He lunged, trying to rip the Deathnote from Near's hands. Near vanished before Light got close. He reappeared behind him.

"How about your little sister Light?" He asked thoughtfully. "How could I kill her? Would you feel guilty, I wonder, based on the way I choose."

"Leave her out of this Near." Light yelled. "Leave me alone!"

"Hmmm. That was never an option." Near sighed, disappearing once again.

"You're a ghost. This is a dream. You can't hurt me."

Suddenly Near was in front of him, pen in hand. "Are you willing to stake your life on that?"

"I…" Light was not. He valued his life too much. "Just leave me alone ghost."

"I'm more than a ghost."

"Nate."

"I-wait, what did you say?" Near froze, the white of the landscape suddenly seemed less blinding.

"Nate. That's your real name isn't it? Nate River." Light sensed the advantage he had he just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"It…yes. Yes it is." Near was thrown by his name. "I suppose you would have to know it…to kill me."

Light stood over Near, his grey eyes looked less intimidating now as he towered over the boy's small frame. He felt Near would no longer run. He placed a hand on Near's shoulder and shoved him, relishing being in control again. The Deathnote and pen slid out of Nears grasp and landed besides him as he sprawled on the ground. Light picked them up and stood over Near triumphantly.

"Why? Why does everyone push me around? What's wrong with me?" His voice dropped to a whisper as he asked his last question. "Why can't I fight back?"

"You're weak, Nate." Light responded with a sneer. "You always will be. It's not going to matter how right you are if you can't do anything about it."

Near glanced up at Light, his power gone. Tears brimming in his suddenly wide gray eyes, a flush of red coloring his cheeks, his hair messy and child-like he looked small and fragile.

"I'm dead, Light." He finally whispered, and for once his voice was tinged with emotion. "I'm dead! It hasn't hit me before now but… I'm really dead. And I'm not ready…"

Light simply watched as Near stood again. Tears poured down his cheeks. He looked down into his open palms.

"Oh, god…" He spoke softly, a sudden wind blowing away the landscape like sand. They were standing in the hotel room once again. Near glowing a soft white. "I'm dead."

"Near?" Light asked, wondering at the turn of events.

Near looked up at Light and gently took his arm. Light could actually feel the warmth of his small hands. He gave a sad smile.

"I'm dead. You don't need to fight me…anymore…" Near's form was fading slowly, his touch becoming less and less real. "Just don't hurt them…for what I've tried…to do… Please… I only wanted to live… a little longer…"

The door opened just before Near could completely disappear. L stepped into the room. Near turned and gave him a wide smile. He was almost translucent now.

"Thank you L…. And forgive me." _I've failed you…_ and he was gone. As if he had never been.

"Near you didn't..." He realized the boy could no longer hear him and sighed, "…fail me."

L stared at the spot Near had been before turning to Light, who still held the Deathnote.

"Light what have you done?" He asked solemnly. "Why?"

"I-I wanted to win." He replied. "I wanted to help… F-for people like my father, like-"

"Like Near?" L filled in. "Near only wanted what you did. Does that give you cause to kill? One so much like yourself?"

"How would you understand?" Light whispered. "How could you ever understand?"

"Understand?" L demanded. " could you understand what I've been through? Do you even know what Near meant to me? How can you pretend to know real loss?"

Light didn't stop L as he strode forward and ripped the Deathnote from his hands. Didn't say a thing as L read Mello's half written name. Didn't retaliate when L kicked him in the face. He couldn't even hear the things L yelled at him.

Light had retreated deep into his own world. He couldn't believe what had happened. He didn't understand his second chance. He just felt that he had blown it and could never redeem his life again. L could do whatever he wanted at this point. Light had simply lost his will to continue as Kira.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Sorry won't bring Nate back." L barked, and then sighed.

"I only wanted justice!" Light replied.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions…" L whispered, tossing the black notebook into the fireplace.


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing he did when he got into the room was block the cameras. The second thing Light did was yank out his Deathnote and stare at the blank space under Near's name. "What's the point?" He asked himself. "I can't fix what I've done to Near. I can't apologize, he won't let me. So why'd I stop? I minus well go through with my plans now anyway…"

_No!_ Near's voice blew into his mind. _You're missing the point, Light. You must stop. L already knows. After tonight how can he not? Face it Light, even in death I've beaten you._ Light felt himself growing angry at Near's words. He was so cocky, so arrogant. Even in death he had defeated Light and was now rubbing it in. Light couldn't even threaten him anymore, he was already dead.

"You think so?!" He yelled into the dark room. "Well then why don't I take one more person with me before my downfall begins?"

For a moment Near remained silent but then he realized what Light meant. _Don't! Light stop! Don't do this to me! Don't do this to him! Leave everyone else out of this! I'm the only one who needs to die! I've won, you've lost. You can't kill anyone else. Right?_ Near sounded unsure in those last few words. Light wanted to hurt Near, he wanted Near to pay and this was the only thing he could think of to do. Besides, killing all of the people Near cared for would only help him in the long run. He grabbed a pen and flipped to a blank page.

There was a howling of wind but Near couldn't touch Light. Wind whipped around the room, knocking over tables and chairs but Light kept the pen to the paper. A miniature storm started in the room, different items from the hotel whipped past Light. A few grazed him but not enough to stop him. Just as he was about to scratch in the last letter of the name Near let go of every restraint and released all of his power at once. Light fell unconscious before his hand could complete the motion and everything in the room dropped at once.

Light jerked awake in a plain of white. The landscaped was flat, no identifying marks could be seen anywhere. Just a bright white as far as the eye could see. He scrambled up and reached for his Deathnote. It was gone.

"Looking for this?" Near asked, materializing a few feet in front of Light. He held the notebook in one hand and the pen in the other.

"You!" Light yelled. "How?"

"This is my world." Near responded. "I brought you here after you tried to kill Mello, Jinx…" His eyes narrowed and for the first time Light could tell he was angry. "Ember."

Light gritted his teeth. He had looked up the girl who had been so upset about Near's death after the funeral. She had been Near's childhood friend, her name had been Ember.

"Now," Near said, once again calm. "I wonder how you would feel if I killed everyone in your family. If I attempted to kill everyone in your life whom you cared about."

Near paused to flip through the Deathnote. "Oh wait. You don't truly care about anyone do you? So it would come down to me killing you, wouldn't it? The only person that matters."

Light stood up straight, he was smart enough to know when to fight and when to talk. "How can you claim that Near? You were the one whom I didn't know anything about before. How can you force me to feel regret then claim to know me perfectly?"

"You're calling me a hypocrite." Near replied with a grin, "but that is far from the truth. I know you better than you know yourself. Oh, I did my research all right. You know that when I say you would kill your own family if you had to I'm not lying. You know that when I say you are the only person that matters in your own mind, I'm right."

"Always right aren't you?" Light growled in irritation.

"I am." Near responded, setting Light over the edge. He lunged, trying to rip the Deathnote from Near's hands. Near vanished before Light got close. He reappeared behind him.

"How about your little sister Light?" He asked thoughtfully. "How could I kill her? Would you feel guilty, I wonder, based on the way I choose."

"Leave her out of this Near." Light yelled. "Leave me alone!"

"Hmmm. That was never an option." Near sighed, disappearing once again.

"You're a ghost. This is a dream. You can't hurt me."

Suddenly Near was in front of him, pen in hand. "Are you willing to stake your life on that?"

"I…" Light was not. He valued his life too much. "Just leave me alone ghost."

"I'm more than a ghost."

"Nate."

"I-wait, what did you say?" Near froze, the white of the landscape suddenly seemed less blinding.

"Nate. That's your real name isn't it? Nate River." Light sensed the advantage he had he just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"It…yes. Yes it is." Near was thrown by his name. "I suppose you would have to know it…to kill me."

Light stood over Near, his grey eyes looked less intimidating now as he towered over the boy's small frame. He felt Near would no longer run. He placed a hand on Near's shoulder and shoved him, relishing being in control again. The Deathnote and pen slid out of Nears grasp and landed besides him as he sprawled on the ground. Light picked them up and stood over Near triumphantly.

"Why? Why does everyone push me around? What's wrong with me?" His voice dropped to a whisper as he asked his last question. "Why can't I fight back?"

"You're weak, Nate." Light responded with a sneer. "You always will be. It's not going to matter how right you are if you can't do anything about it."

Near glanced up at Light, his power gone. Tears brimming in his suddenly wide gray eyes, a flush of red coloring his cheeks, his hair messy and child-like he looked small and fragile.

"I'm dead, Light." He finally whispered, and for once his voice was tinged with emotion. "I'm dead! It hasn't hit me before now but… I'm really dead. And I'm not ready…"

Light simply watched as Near stood again. Tears poured down his cheeks. He looked down into his open palms.

"Oh, god…" He spoke softly, a sudden wind blowing away the landscape like sand. They were standing in the hotel room once again. Near glowing a soft white. "I'm dead."

"Near?" Light asked, wondering at the turn of events.

Near looked up at Light and gently took his arm. Light could actually feel the warmth of his small hands. He gave a sad smile.

"I'm dead. You don't need to fight me…anymore…" Near's form was fading slowly, his touch becoming less and less real. "Just don't hurt them…for what I've tried…to do… Please… I only wanted to live… a little longer…"

The door opened just before Near could completely disappear. L stepped into the room. Near turned and gave him a wide smile. He was almost translucent now.

"Thank you L…. And forgive me." _I've failed you…_ and he was gone. As if he had never been.

"Near you didn't..." He realized the boy could no longer hear him and sighed, "…fail me."

L stared at the spot Near had been before turning to Light, who still held the Deathnote.

"Light what have you done?" He asked solemnly. "Why?"

"I-I wanted to win." He replied. "I wanted to help… F-for people like my father, like-"

"Like Near?" L filled in. "Near only wanted what you did. Does that give you cause to kill? One so much like yourself?"

"How would you understand?" Light whispered. "How could you ever understand?"

"Understand?" L demanded. " could you understand what I've been through? Do you even know what Near meant to me? How can you pretend to know real loss?"

Light didn't stop L as he strode forward and ripped the Deathnote from his hands. Didn't say a thing as L read Mello's half written name. Didn't retaliate when L kicked him in the face. He couldn't even hear the things L yelled at him.

Light had retreated deep into his own world. He couldn't believe what had happened. He didn't understand his second chance. He just felt that he had blown it and could never redeem his life again. L could do whatever he wanted at this point. Light had simply lost his will to continue as Kira.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Sorry won't bring Nate back." L barked, and then sighed.

"I only wanted justice!" Light replied.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions…" L whispered, tossing the black notebook into the fireplace.


	6. Chapter 6

Mello woke up in the middle of the night without any apparent reason. He groggily opened his eyes.

"Matt did you 'ear somtin'?" He muttered. Just outside his door he could barely make out soft footsteps. "Who's there?" He called louder.

Slowly the door opened and Mello was instantly alert. He coiled his muscles in preparation to attack. A soft white glow emanated from the crack in the door and when fully pushed open reveled Nears small frame.

"Near?" Mello asked, relaxing. "I knew your death was too good to be true."

"Yeah Mello," Near said. Then he gave a huge smile. "it's good to see you too."

"Is there something wrong with you?" Mello asked warily.

Near sat down on the edge of his bed. "No, no. It's just good isn't it?"

Mello squinted, confused as to why Near was glowing. "What?"

"Being alive! I miss it already." Near shifted and turned towards Mello. His slightly transparent body left no indention on the sheets.

"But…Near aren't you…" Mello trailed off as he noticed Near shaking his head. Tears ran down his pale cheeks. Mello had never seen Near cry, "alive?"

"No, Mello. Not anymore." Near leaned forward and gripped Mello's hands. "I took my life too much for granted. Don't do what I did. It's okay to feel. It's okay to live…"

"Near…" He could feel the warmth of Near's skin but not the texture.

"Just please don't hate me. If there's one thing I wanted to know before I left was that you no longer hated me." Near looked into Mello's eyes pleadingly. There was a light, an understanding that Mello had never seen before.

Mello smiled slightly and pulled Near into a hug. His body felt light and insubstantial in his arms. It didn't feel like he was holding a real person but more the idea of a person. He heard Near softly laugh into his shoulder.

"Thank you Mello. Thank you so much." The words were only but a whisper. Near's warmth faded slowly until Mello sat only holding air. His arms dropped to his sides.

"Was that Near?" Matt asked softly from the other side of the room.

"Yeah. I think it was." Mello responded and when he turned he saw his tears reflected on Matt's cheeks.


	7. The End

The silence between them is heavy, each man feels the same things. One has much more to lose than the other.

"Will you have me executed?"

L stares at the notebook burning before him. He shakes his head after a long pause.

"That isn't the point of what I do Light."

"I'm a... danger aren't I?" Light stares at his hands. "That was the punishment I gave out. By my own laws-"

"Light do you know what justice means? I'm not going to kill you." Already L can hear the difference in thinking from Kira. A murderer who would have never admitted that he should obey his own rules, who would have never identified as murderer is now admitting to the paradox he created. L was pleased by the development. Light had told the great detective what had happened to him, and though L didn't quite know if he believed him completely whatever had happened had had a positive impact.

Light doesn't respond. He used to know what justice meant. Over the years he's had very different thoughts on the matter... How is he to know now which is correct?

"I've told you that I'm childish. I hate losing. I hated losing the boy. And I would hate losing you. You don't have to be Kira anymore, or ever again."

"I've killed people. I've killed innocent people L."

"And the punishment for that doesn't have to be death. You were taken in by something supernatural. I can't justify murder but... your heart is not completely black or beyond recognition. You can be saved, and you can change."

"Near... Nate, could have done just as much as I can."

Another long pause.

"Yes he could have. I suppose we'll just have to achieve what he could have. You'll have to work twice as hard."

And for the first time in the span of the entire Kira case- Light breaks down and cries. The detective sits down beside him, and together they watch the pages burn into twinkling embers, and Nate's name disappears.


End file.
